Thousands of free Americans gathered in cities across the country today to lament their lack of freedom by holding rallies while shouting “Trump is a king!” and exercising their right to freely protest in a free country.

The downtrodden, oppressed, upper-middle-class populace in urban centers throughout the United States boldly made their voices heard to decry President Donald Trump as acting like an all-powerful monarch as they openly protested and displayed their liberties in the freest society on Earth.

“Trump is a tyrant! He has taken away our freedoms!” cried Mable Mcclean, a 68-year-old bisexual Episcopalian priest and part-time slam poet. “We will not tolerate any president who sees himself as a king! No kings! Unless it’s Barack Obama. Then, it might be ok to have a king.”

Anti-Trump protesters raged at his near-omnipotence. “He’s just doing whatever he wants,” another rallygoer said. “Nobody is standing in his way. Except for Congress. And the media. And Hollywood. And multiple rogue federal judges. And every member of the Democratic Party. We don’t even live in a free country where we can protest, which is why we’re protesting. It’s time for us to draw a line in the sand and stand up to demand the right to do exactly what we’re all doing today.”

At publishing time, the large crowds had dissipated, as it was time for their afternoon Metamucil.